Modern masculinity in 2026: what it really means for boys and young men

"I am constantly comparing myself to others."

We hear some version of this in almost every workshop. Boys talk about feeling pressure to be tough, to win, to stay in control. Many feel like there is one narrow way to be a "man", and if they do not fit it, they are failing.

Many educators recognise that pressure through the Adolescent Man Box 2025 study by Jesuit Social Services confirms it. The man box is a set of unwritten rules that say men should stay in control, hide emotions and prove their worth through dominance, success or status.

But on the ground, we see something else alongside this pressure. Boys are ready to talk. They are curious about masculinity, their emotions and what success means to them. They often just need language, role models and regular practice. This sits closely with the Respectful Relationships Education framework, which supports schools to build emotional literacy and gender equality into everyday school life.

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What boys are telling us about being a "man"

If you ask a group of Year 10 boys what it means to be a man, you will often hear:

• Be in control
• Do not cry
• Win at all costs
• Get the girls

Modern masculinity offers something more expansive and more human.

When we deeper into the conversation, boys start to name values like loyalty, honesty and care. They talk about wanting to be good friends, sons, brothers, partners and teammates, not just "success".

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What is modern masculinity?

In plain language that lands with boys, modern masculinity looks like:

• Knowing your values and acting on them, even when no one is watching
• Naming emotions without shame, then choosing a helpful next step
• Asking for help early and offering it to others
• Respecting boundaries, including in group chats and banter
• Defining success by growth, effort, kindness and contribution, not just muscles or money

Young men tell us this feels more achievable and more honest. It is also better for learning, relationships and health.

When schools and families expand what "success" looks like, boys have more room to be themselves. If you want a deeper look at why this matters, check out our piece on redefining masculinity for men and boys.

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The man box and why it still matters

The man box is a set of social rules about how a "real man" should think, feel and act. The Man Box Study shows that boys and men who strongly agree with these rules are more likely to:

• Take risky actions
• Harass or belittle others
• Avoid help, even when they are struggling
• Report lower relationship quality and wellbeing

In workshops, boys don’t really use the term "man box", but they describe its impact very clearly.

They talk about:

• Constant comparison to peers and influencers
• Hiding sadness or worry, which then leaks out as anger or shutting down
• Feeling pressure to win rather than learn
• Silence about body image, porn, online pressure and friendship fallouts

When we name these patterns in a calm, respectful way, most boys feel relieved. They realise they are not the only one struggling with these issues.

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What change looks like in the room

In our healthy masculinity programs, a small moment often shifts the whole group.

A boy might say, "I thought crying made me weak. Talking to Dad helped."
Another nods. Someone else shares a time they reached out to a coach or a mate.

The room sees a different version of masculinity. It’s not loud or performative. It’s brave, honest and real.

These kinds of moments are where change starts to happen.

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Role models who redefine success

Boys take strong cues from adults. They need male role models and caring adults of all genders who:

• Show courage with care
• Make it normal to try, fail, repair and grow
• Talk about emotions in everyday language
• Model respect in how they speak about others

You might be a teacher, parent, carer, coach or support staff. The way you respond in small, daily interactions sends powerful messages about what it means to be a man.

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In classrooms and on the sideline

Some practical shifts that help:

• Praise character and effort alongside outcomes
• Share your own learning curve:
  

"I got that wrong. Here is how I am fixing it."

• Ask,

"What did you learn and who did you help?" not only, "Did you win?"

• Bring emotions into problem solving:
  

"You looked frustrated. What helped you turn it around?"

• Share diverse stories of men, from artists and carers to engineers and community leaders

These small changes normalise the idea that strength includes reflection, empathy and getting it wrong sometimes.

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At home

At home, you might notice that the quiet moments are often the most powerful. You can try:

• Eating together when you can and rotating simple check-in questions
• Making repair visible, apologising when you snap and naming what you will try next time
• Protecting sleep, movement and offline time
• Inviting boys into contribution at home and in community, not only achievement

This is positive masculinity in action.

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Healthy masculinity programs that work

Real change happens when boys can practise something, not just talk about it.

Our facilitators create practical, honest spaces where young men:

• Practise new behaviours
• Hear from their peers
• Reflect on how their choices impact others
• See the difference in real time

Sessions are experiential, peer led and closely linked to choices boys face every week at school, online and in friendship groups.

If your school is looking to build empathy and emotional literacy, Tomorrow Man offers workshops that go beyond one-off lessons. Our program consists of a four-module core designed to build the skills and create a roadmap for healthier masculinity. Additionally, targeted modules can be added on as needed:

• In Her Shoes gives young men a deeper understanding of women’s experiences, helping them build empathy, perspective and allyship.
• Middle Ground brings all genders together to explore shared and unique experiences with curiosity, respect and a sense of unity.

Both programs complement the Respectful Relationships Education framework and support Tomorrow Man’s goal of helping schools build stronger, safer communities grounded in real understanding.

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What boys say after a session

After sessions, boys often tell us things like:

"I connected to people through emotions and the amount of respect everyone had for everyone made me and lots of others feel supported and safe."

“I am very thankful for the opportunity to have these talks with my friends.”

“It made me be a bit more honest with myself and others.”

These might look like small changes from the outside. Put together, they create safer classrooms, stronger teams and better learning environments.

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The cultural shift we can make together

Young men are looking for a way to be strong and kind, ambitious and fair.

Modern masculinity makes space for the full human. When adults model it, talk about it and give boys structured practice, performance improves and harm reduces. That is a cultural shift we can grow in classrooms, clubs, families and communities.

You do not need to have all the answers. You only need a steady presence, some shared language and a willingness to stay open and curious.

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Next steps

If you are ready to explore this further, you might want to:

• Read more:
  Talking to Teens About Adolescence: Why It Resonates and Where to Go From Here offers conversation starters, activities and tips you can use with your teens this week.
• Explore our student workshops:
  Learn more about our student programs and how they can support boys to build healthier masculinity as part of a whole-school approach.
• Create a tailored plan:
  If you would like a plan for your school or club, get in touch. We can help you choose the right mix of student sessions, staff training and parent conversations, so boys can step outside the man box and build healthy masculinity that they can take into adulthood.

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